Mission Impossible: Trying to Get Fit

Yesterday I talked about how I'm trying to get my finances in order.  I'm also trying to get my health worked out, too.  It's a band wagon I always want to be on, start with good intentions, and pretty much never see through.

Right now, I'm lucky.  I have virtually ZERO health problems.  My biggest problem is that I'm overweight by a lot, technically morbidly obese thanks to my small frame.  I started by going mostly meat-free (seafood is allowable, and I will partake in eating meat if I am a guest and that is what is prepared for me).  Switching to a mostly meat-free diet enabled me to lose seven pounds over the course of three weeks or so.  I hadn't intended this, but I'll take it!

This week I tried to throw in some exercise: walking every day at work; a small bit of Pilates; and jogging in place for a few minutes at a time, and the usual yoga.  It's little bits, but it's mostly to get me in the habit.

I shuffled up to the scale and discovered...a gained a pound.


It's incredibly frustrating and it happens every time I start adding more physical activity to my life.  The first six to eight weeks always, always, always include a 10 pound gain.  It's all muscle-density, and I would probably put body builders to shame.  Logically I can accept it, but it makes it difficult to continue working hard when I know the numbers are going to go back up.  Like the 180s last year, now I'm stuck in the 190s and every time I get close to the threshold I mess it up and bounce back.

Every time I say it's not going to effect me this time, and how I'm going to work to pull through, and blah blah blah.  I think I'm just ready to resign myself to being fat since I obviously lack the willpower to see anything through.

I did decide to break out the measuring tape, just to make sure I wasn't feeding myself a line of bullshit about the muscle-gaining trend.  I lost a whole inch all the way around.  Everywhere, well, except my thigh.  So that's something, right?  So why do I still feel really terrible about the whole thing?  Because I've convinced myself I did it wrong and it's probably just going to go up if I check it next week.

Tonight, I'm cooking a special pizza for my bestie for her birthday, and for her sake at least I'm trying to be upbeat, but I'm super flustered.  I'm jealous and angry that the process seems to be so much easier for everyone else.  Yay for being the eternally fat friend.